


Chances

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Post-TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 10:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13545201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: Now, in the dark, he was safe, in the transitory state between a catastrophe and its aftermath. Nothing could touch him here, when he lay awake in his bed, stripped off his uniform and everything it represented. Nothing, except for him.





	Chances

**Author's Note:**

> My little contribution to the post-TLJ fic challenge. Hope you enjoy :)

Hux lay awake in bed, eyes opened but unseeing. He had turned the lights down to 0%, shrouding himself in nearly complete darkness. He had hoped it would help him think, yet it did nothing but unsettle him. He wasn’t afraid of the dark, that would be ridiculous – he wasn’t a child – but it made him feel vulnerable, exposed to eyes better accustomed to darkness. He closed his eyes, opened them again – there was no difference. He was alone, blinded, and terrified. 

It was not the dark that scared him – he feared the morning. He dreaded the moment his alarm would go off and he’d have to leave his room to face the consequences of yesterday. Now, in the dark, he was safe, in the transitory state between a catastrophe and its aftermath. Nothing could touch him here, when he lay awake in his bed, stripped off his uniform and everything it represented. Nothing, except for  _ him _ . 

Hux groaned. The perfect sanctity was broken, all the worry creeping in under the door. And he only had himself to blame – he always let Ren in, let him ruin him, let him break him. Hux sat up, turning the lights up to twenty per cent. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. His throat was raw and he’d need his voice tomorrow, he told himself as he suppressed the scream creeping onto his lips. He also wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come. 

Hux stood up, walked over to his table. He turned on his datapad, squinting at its brightness. It was still fairly early, Ren would still be awake. (Hux just knew things like that. Like he knew that Ren preferred to sleep on his right side, or that he enjoyed watching sunsets. Hux’s mind was full of useless trivia about Ren, and he couldn’t seem to forget it, no matter how much he tried – no matter how useless it was to him now.) Hux didn’t know what to do with the fact, or why he thought of it in the first place – it was nonsensical. Ren was most likely sitting on Snoke’s throne, his clothes drenched in the late Supreme Leader’s blood, and cackling, relishing his victory. The blood drenching part was not true only because they returned to the Finalizer instead of the Supremacy. Ren proclaimed it unsafe, and Hux preferred the Finalizer anyway. 

She was his – and used to be his and Ren’s, which meant she had sentimental value, as much as Hux hated to admit it. She was where he and Ren met, where they first exchanged opinions, where they clashed and where they burned, where they fell to bed together, unable to resist any longer. In that very bed, on that very table – Hux took Ren as many times as he surrendered to him, equality a key, a beginning and an end to everything. 

Ren took the carefully built equilibrium, the precious thing they built together, and crushed it, stomped on it, put his lightsaber through it. Anger rose in Hux’s chest, cold fury filling his very being. He  _ trusted Ren.  _ He was almost sure he loved him, even. And he used to think Ren loved him too, but it was just a game to him, to fill his time, to amuse him. And to think Hux was naive enough to believe he could have someone who spent time with him just because they could, not because there was something to gain. It hurt to even think about it. 

The panel by the door buzzed. Hux jumped up, his heart racing – he’d lost himself to his thoughts. Although who could be asking to see him at this hour– 

“Go away Ren, leave me alone,” Hux called, knowing Ren would hear him. It was petty, but he refused to stand up to use the speaker. 

“I need to talk to you,” Ren called back. Hux could hear him clearly, like there was no door between them. He wondered if Ren was using the Force to achieve that. He despised the very concept of it, and was thrilled by it nonetheless. He’d developed a fascination with the Force, something that stemmed from both his infatuation with Ren and his hunger for power. Today, he simply wished to destroy everything with it.

“I’m done talking to you for today, Supreme Leader,” Hux spat the title out with as much venom as he could manage. “It’s late; I’ll meet you for a briefing about the Order’s current situation tomorrow. Good night.”

“I’m not here to talk about the Order,” Ren said, “I want to talk to you. About...about us.”

“There’s no us,” Hux yelled, feeling blood rushing into his face, “you killed it!”

“Hux,” Ren said, softly, so softly there was no way he didn’t lace his words with the Force. Tears, needed a few minutes but unwanted now, sprang to Hux’s eyes. “I want to apologize.”

Hux bit his lip and dug his nails into his palms to stop himself from crying out. He wouldn’t allow Ren the luxury of hearing his despair. 

“I don’t want your apology,” Hux sobbed, knowing an apology was exactly what he wanted. But he wasn’t going to get it, not from Ren. Not a genuine one, not from the Ren who took a title they had dreamed of sharing. 

“Armitage, please,” Ren begged – playing dirty. He was always good at playing dirty. Hux just usually wasn’t the one being played with. 

“Don’t you dare call me that! You have no right.” Hux’s voice broke midway.

“You gave me the right,” Ren said, “please, let me explain. Let me make it up to you. I don’t want anything else, I will never ask for anything else, but please let me have this. Let me talk to you.”

Every word of that was a lie, every single one, and yet Hux found himself rising from his chair and making his way towards the door to let Ren in. He stared at the ground when he changed the settings of the panel, and avoided Ren’s eyes. He was doomed the second he looked into them. Hux had always believed that Ren never needed to use the Force to manipulate people – it was all just him, him and his terrible, beautiful eyes. 

“Make it quick,” Hux snapped, “I’m tired.”

“It’s early,” Ren pointed out.

“I’ve had a long day.”

“So did I,” said Ren and sat down on Hux’s bed – not just the edge even. He sprawled over it like he owned the place, like he belonged there. 

“And whose fault is that?” Hux asked, sitting behind his desk to put a barrier between them.

“Fair enough,” Ren shrugged, “yell at me. Please.”

“I have nothing to tell you,” Hux said. He wanted to yell at Ren, but he had more pride than that. He still had a shred of dignity to save. 

“I can feel it in you,” Ren purred, his voice lowering to the register that did things to Hux’s body. He wanted to make this sound intimate. As if there still was intimacy between them. Like Hux could  _ trust him.  _

“You said you wanted to apologize,” Hux said, “go on. Apologize. I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry I choked you and threw you against the wall. I was mad at myself for letting the girl escape and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” Ren said, smoothly, like he was giving Hux a mission report. Hux trembled with anger. “I was afraid of losing you too.”

“Losing me too?!” Hux screamed, his voice breaking, “Do I mean the same to you as she does?”

“No, no, of course not-”

“Of course not!” Hux yelled and stood up, “She’s a mighty Force user! She can give us the map to Skywalker! She can rule the galaxy with you! I’m nothing! I was a toy to you, at best. I’m no competition.”

Ren opened his mouth to say something, closed it. Hux was seething, wanted him to say something else, to fuel his rage. 

“She’s nothing to me,” Ren said slowly, “but I can’t let someone with so much strength just run loose. You understand that.”

“I don’t want to understand!” Hux screamed, “I don’t care! You should have killed her if she’s such a threat.”

“I should have,” Ren admitted, “and I’ll chase her down and do it.”

Hux deflated, not having an answer to that. He turned away to blink back his tears.   
“I’d like you to help me,” Ren said, his voice soft again, “if you’d be so kind.”

“Kind,” Hux repeated the word, like it was in a foreign language and he was just getting the feel of it.

“I need you,” Ren whispered. Hux heard him stand up; three steps. A shadow on the floor right beside his, faint but arguably there. Ren didn’t touch him yet, but their shadows had already embraced. Hux felt cheated. 

“Did you tell her that?” Hux whispered. 

“No.”

Hux wanted to believe it wasn’t a lie, so he did. Nobody had ever needed him – many people used him but nobody ever needed him. Ren always knew what to say. 

“Why would you need me?” Hux asked and turned to face Ren – a surrender. “I don’t stand a chance against her. And I’m starting to think I’m not even that good at my own job.”

“I need you, Armitage. I don’t need General Hux. He might be useful but he can be replaced. Armitage can’t.” 

“Essentially, you want me to be your housewife.”

Ren didn’t have a word to say to that. Hux smirked, victorious, if only for a few seconds. 

“I’m glad you finally told me what you think,” he went on, “I must say I’ve almost fallen for your sweet talk. You’re persuasive, I have to give you that.”

“I didn’t want to insult you, Hux,” Ren hastened to say. His eyes held no power over Hux anymore, the spell was broken. Hux felt more alive than he did in months, more triumphant than he did when Starkiller fired. For Starkiller base was a success of his intellect, but this was his conquest of his own heart. He finally learned to control his emotions. He finally free at last.

“I’m not insulted,” he said, delighted to find that he meant it, “I’m just disappointed in myself for thinking you respected me for so long.”

“Don’t I deserve a chance to prove you wrong?” 

“I already gave you a chance – kriff, a third, a fourth even! I let you stomp on me and do whatever you wanted with me when it suited you, but I’m done! I’m drawing the line here. I won’t take you back again.”

“Very well,” Ren said curtly, “I will not make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. You’ve made your choice.”

It was a threat, and Ren didn’t even have the decency to try to sugarcoat it. He glared at Hux, obviously pissed, and for a moment it seemed like he would choke Hux again. His hand trembled; Hux reached for his blaster instinctively only to realize he was in his pyjamas, the weapon lying useless on his table. 

“You think I’m making a mistake, escaping your grasp - I can see that you genuinely think so. Don’t fear for me, my dear,” Hux said, cupping Ren’s cheek, “I’ll get by. You’ll see.”

Ren frowned. 

“Why are you calling me that?” 

“You still are dear to me,” Hux replied, “I loved you, and you’re still the closest person I have in the entire galaxy. I simply cannot trust you anymore.”

“Will you let me love you then? At least one more time?” Ren asked. Hux’s hand was still resting on his face, almost as an afterthought, like he forgot about it. Ren seized the opportunity and covered it with his own. Hux inhaled sharply. 

“I can’t,” he said, pulling away. It hurt – like he had a gaping wound and Ren’s hand was the bandage he tore off too soon.  _ I’d never let you go,  _ he thought grimly. “You need to go.”

Ren nodded and backed out of the room – slowly, like he still expected to be summoned back and welcomed into Hux’s bed. At last, after what felt like eternity to Hux, the door slid shut behind Ren, leaving Hux alone. 

Hux let out a sigh, not daring to be loud – Ren was surely behind the door, listening intently. Hux would not give him any chance for satisfaction. He climbed quietly onto his bed and curled into a ball; his knees were bony under his chin. He bit onto the skin of his right one to muffle the sob that escaped his mouth. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://ellstra.tumblr.com/) or [twitter.](https://twitter.com/EllstraH)


End file.
